The big lie... or the big I...

Sometimes I get so caught up in the work I am doing in AA that I start believing the big lie... That lie is that I am doing anything under my own power to stay sober or to help someone else. I am not GOD IS... I just have to "fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me". (AA Bigbook Pg 77) Gone are the days when I thought I had to be some big AA speaker, or the next great AA evangelist. I am beginning to realize that when I am spiritually fit God will give me the next thing to do. It might be speaking, or it may be going to get water for the group, making coffee, talking to a sponsee, being polite to the lady at the store, it's really none of my business what it is. Again what I think or feel does not matter... What I do is what matters. This is the key of serenity for me today. Being fit and doing what I am supposed to do.

Relationship

To be spiritually fit, I must realize my true position in relation to God. He is the Employer, He is the Director, He is the Father, He is Power. My job is to trust Him and remember that I control nothing. What a peaceful place to be... when I remember that piece of information and act accordingly. My God is patient though, He will let me try to run the show. I imagine that sometimes He must find my feeble attempts quite humorous. He never leaves me or abandons me, He is always there, patiently waiting for me to let go... If I do not remember my true position, then I will be unwilling to take the actions required to grow and expand my spiritual condition. That is a death sentence for me... He is the Creator - I am the creation...

Perceptions

How do I perceive pain, trials, and challenges. I must perceive them as building blocks on the road to becoming spiritually fit. I must look on them as costs of spiritual growth. If not, I will start falling into that trap of resentment and self pity. Both of which are fatal to me. Acceptance, courage, and wisdom, these grow everyday as long as I take a few simple actions. My actions, trusting God, cleaning house, and helping others, water these attributes and help them grow everyday. However looking back I see that these seeds of growth were sown in the valleys of my life, not on the hilltops...

Power

"Lack of Power, That was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves." (Pg 45 BB) Notice the book does not say find a power which we could control, or which would give us our way, or which we could possess. Simply by which we could live. What I had to realize is that I can live by this Power daily, only by submitting to it. Only by letting go absolutely. The only way for me to live by this Power is to give up all my perceived power, which shouldn't be to hard considering I never had any real power anyway....