Fitting In

The topic at the meeting last night was humility. I think the realization that, I had failed completely at drinking and drugging was a very good starting point for me. But the knowledge that I have failed totally and completely at life, is what really has begun to set me free. I am starting to fit into my proper position. I was created to be dependent on the Creator. Apart from Him, I am nothing. It says in the Big Book "The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves."

This is my story. But before I could perceive that He was indeed living in my heart, I had to concede the fact, that apart from Him I was nothing. Never had been, never would be.

Today I can cast all my cares on Him because I know He cares for me. I start my day by surrendering to my God, on my knees, whether I feel like it, whether I believe it will work, and whether I want to do it or not. Every day. I take the action and then I try to do what my God has for me to do that day. Am I perfect at it, hell no... But my God doesn't seem to be nearly as interested in perfection as He is persistence. That is a good thing.

How do I know it works? I'm sober, mostly content, I feel useful and life is a vibrant, exciting adventure most of the time. And when its not, I just keep on taking the actions, because no matter how bad I feel or how great I feel it is only temporary, and my feelings although they are real, they are definitely not reality. My sponsor says that and I know exactly what he means today...