My disease never ceases to amaze me. In the best of times I can start to think about the future. Before long I am worrying about the future and even though I started out with the best intentions, before I have been thinking very long I am full of fear (about maybe I won't get what I want) and then resentment (because now I am sure that I didn't get what I wanted in the future and it hasn't even happened yet).
The only way out of this mental pit for me is working with another alcoholic. Then I realize I have what I need to do God's Will at this very moment. And this very moment is all I will ever have. We read it every night "may you find Him now". That is where my Higher Power lives NOW. And then I remember that the things I want are what kill me. True happiness and contentment come from doing God's Will, not seeking what I want.
My disease amazes me it is cunning, baffling, and powerful. But there is One who has all Power. That one is God, may we all find Him NOW.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Needs
Why is it when someone in a meeting announces "I needed a meeting" is it usually followed at once by "let me tell you about my crappy day"?
I don't now nor have I ever needed a meeting. Now I have thought I needed a meeting lots of times. But it really wasn't about what I needed it was about what I wanted. I wanted to dominate the Group's precious meeting time with my own selfish, self centered BS. I wanted the Group to make me FEEL better so I wouldn't have to do the work and I could continue to be the center of the universe. Let me tell you how that worked out. I almost died from a fatal progressive disease called alcoholism.
But I didn't die, someone loved me enough to hurt my feelings, to be controversial, to tell me the truth. I keep hearing how we should never be controversial, how we should be aware of the feelings of the members, how everyone has a right to "share". The only thing my book says about sharing is to share our experience, strength and hope.
My experience: Alcoholism will kill you, viciously. God will save you from that if you get connected by working the Steps. I can show you how to do that.
My strength: I have none, my Higher Power does, I will show you how to find it.
My hope: I have been rocketed into a fourth dimension I have no idea how good it can get. My God is infinite!!!
You see, I don't need meetings. I need to work the steps. I need a spiritual awakening. I need conscious contact with God. I need to perfect and enlarge my spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others. I need to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people around me. I need to practice these principles in all of my affairs.
Do I go to meetings? About 10 or 12 a week. Why? To bring something to them not to take something away.
Love and tolerance is our code you say... Absolutely!! Love people enough to tell them the truth and tolerate them until they find it.
I don't now nor have I ever needed a meeting. Now I have thought I needed a meeting lots of times. But it really wasn't about what I needed it was about what I wanted. I wanted to dominate the Group's precious meeting time with my own selfish, self centered BS. I wanted the Group to make me FEEL better so I wouldn't have to do the work and I could continue to be the center of the universe. Let me tell you how that worked out. I almost died from a fatal progressive disease called alcoholism.
But I didn't die, someone loved me enough to hurt my feelings, to be controversial, to tell me the truth. I keep hearing how we should never be controversial, how we should be aware of the feelings of the members, how everyone has a right to "share". The only thing my book says about sharing is to share our experience, strength and hope.
My experience: Alcoholism will kill you, viciously. God will save you from that if you get connected by working the Steps. I can show you how to do that.
My strength: I have none, my Higher Power does, I will show you how to find it.
My hope: I have been rocketed into a fourth dimension I have no idea how good it can get. My God is infinite!!!
You see, I don't need meetings. I need to work the steps. I need a spiritual awakening. I need conscious contact with God. I need to perfect and enlarge my spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others. I need to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people around me. I need to practice these principles in all of my affairs.
Do I go to meetings? About 10 or 12 a week. Why? To bring something to them not to take something away.
Love and tolerance is our code you say... Absolutely!! Love people enough to tell them the truth and tolerate them until they find it.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Spiritual Awakening
Our 12th Step says "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps..." I used to wonder what the difference was between a spiritual experience and a spiritual awakening. Stupid me, trying to over complicate and over analyze as usual.
Today I know that I my life has been chalked full of spiritual events. People died, kids were born, flowers grew, stars came out, the sun rose and set several times during the first 51 years of my life. Were these spiritual experiences? Nope. Why? Because it is hard to experience anything on a spiritual level when you are spiritually asleep.
The only way I know to wake up is to work the 12 steps, all of them in order with a sponsor. The only way I know to stay awake is to continue to work them every day.
Now that I am awake, I am aware, I am conscious. The Big Book says the consciousness of the Presence of God is the most important fact of my life today. (Page 51) God has been present through my entire life. But I was asleep, lost in a nightmare of selfishness and self centeredness.
My sponsor says if I want to stay sober I have to continue to have spiritual experiences, I can't live off the ones in my past. I need to stay awake. I guess I better call him. I guarantee you one thing; he is awake!!!
Today I know that I my life has been chalked full of spiritual events. People died, kids were born, flowers grew, stars came out, the sun rose and set several times during the first 51 years of my life. Were these spiritual experiences? Nope. Why? Because it is hard to experience anything on a spiritual level when you are spiritually asleep.
The only way I know to wake up is to work the 12 steps, all of them in order with a sponsor. The only way I know to stay awake is to continue to work them every day.
Now that I am awake, I am aware, I am conscious. The Big Book says the consciousness of the Presence of God is the most important fact of my life today. (Page 51) God has been present through my entire life. But I was asleep, lost in a nightmare of selfishness and self centeredness.
My sponsor says if I want to stay sober I have to continue to have spiritual experiences, I can't live off the ones in my past. I need to stay awake. I guess I better call him. I guarantee you one thing; he is awake!!!
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