4th Dimension

The more I work this program, the more is revealed. I wonder is it the 4th dimension Bill Wilson referred to. When I let God out of the box I had Him trapped in with my will. When I am teachable, when I am doing the "do" things, when I am trying to get out of the way; then for the briefest moments I sense there is more, I smell more as some of my friends put it.

As I grow up in this fellowship, as I learn all about the real things in life, I stand in awe of the Power, which is God. I can see it in the eyes of another recovered alcoholic, more importantly I can see it in there actions. In just my minuscule amount of sobriety I have seen awesome incredible things. I have seen people walk through the fires and the valleys and come out in peace. I have seen people take their last breath in this human form at peace. I have seen the obsession removed and I have seen the pain of its return.

I'm not special, these things have been occurring since the beginning of time, only I could never perceive them before, let alone recognize the Power of God in them. As I grow older physically somehow I sense the bonds of earth loosening ever so slightly, and I am at peace...

Yet there is alot to do, and God has given me everything I need to continue along this path. I am responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help. I want the hand of AA always to be there and for that I am responsible...

Power

Thank you God for making me powerless. If I had any power at all, I would make a mess of things. I wouldn't think I needed God. All around me people are freaking out about the state of the nation. I can't do anything about that, but I can talk to an alcoholic today, I can fit myself to be of maximum service. I can do what is put in front of me. The only reason I can do these things is by the Power of God's Grace. Thank you God for not giving me what I deserve. Thank you for allowing me to tap into that unsuspected inner resource today.

True Joy

Every time I have the privilege of sharing the Solution with a newcomer, when I get to work on the Steps with a sponsee, I stand in awe of the Power of God. It is true joy as I have never known it, it is the "high" that I was always looking for. It seems as though it is the point in time when all of the bits of God's Power merge, when I can catch a true glimpse of the Power of God. The things my sponsors have told me, the Program of AA, the promises of the Big Book, the words of the speakers, the uncountable prayers of mothers and wives and children, all conspire together to bring two drunks or addicts together spiritually, to accomplish things in both of our lives that we could never accomplish for ourselves. Regardless of the outcome, I walk away feeling touched somehow by God. Not because of any frail, mediocre, attempts to assert my human will. But because at that special moment in time, God through His Grace has bestowed upon me the gift of selflessness for that moment. It is the one time when I am closest to being out of the way and concerned with God's Will rather than my own little plans and designs. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God's power. The same Power which has restored me to sanity, the same Power that has removed the obsession, the same Power which created everything. Yeah God!!!

A Plan

This just in; the guy with the plan is named God, not Jerry. What a relief cause my plans just weren't working out. It seems I never know what I need, only what I want. A lot of the time what I want is not what I need. But God is on top of all that. He gives me what I am supposed to have, my job is to be happy with and take care of what He gives me. I think that comes under the "trusting God part". Once more, yet again "I have to quit playing God".

Today

Today is already a good day. Whether I perceive it that way or not is up to me. Thy Will be done...

Valleys

I was talking to a friend this morning and they were sharing with me some unpleasant things going on in their life right now. That is when I was reminded again that bad things often happen to people even when they are close to God and living this life. I know from my own experience that just like alcohol and drugs drove me to my knees and forced me to turn to God. The unpleasant things that happen keep me seeking. I have a disorder of the ego. If things were to go to smooth for me I would start believing the big lie. I would start to think I can handle life on my own. I would be in real trouble. The valleys in my life are where most of my spiritual growth comes from. Without them I would be suffering through this existence on my own and that is a horrible place to be. At this moment I can truly be thankful for the valleys and for my disease, because it all keeps me connected to the great Sustainer, to the Solution, to the POWER.