The Story of Jim

If you have ever read the story of Jim in the Big Book you will know what I am talking about. Its on page 35-37. I used to think Jim relasped when the thought came to him, that he could add whiskey to his milk. I was wrong. Then I thought he relasped because he was mad at the owner of his company. I was wrong. We are clearly told on page 35, Jim relasped when he failed to enlarge his spiritual life.

On Page 14 and 15 Bill Wilson is very clear about how to enlarge our spiritual life. Work and self-sacrifice for others.

It's just that simple, do the work, get a connection, get sober. Keep doing the work, keep the connection stay sober and get rocketed into a 4th dimension.
or---
Don't do the work, quit doing the work, lose the connection, get drunk, die a horrible hideous MADDOG death and take down everyone or everything I ever cared about along the way.

I don't have to go on some endless quest to find the Spirit of the Universe, I don't have to wonder do I have it or not. It will find me. The obsession to drink and use will be removed. It works EVERY TIME without fail. 100% effective.

I have yet to find a single alcoholic who on the day he relasped, had already got on his knees, said his prayers, talked to another alcoholic, reached out to help someone, talked to his sponsor and tried to carry this message. There may be one out there but I haven't found him yet.

This endless search for some feeling, so I will know, that I have found God is yet one more attempt of me trying to make myself self centered butt feel better.

I know how to tell how my program is working. I know when my Higher Power and I are connected. Its real simple, its called an inventory of my actions, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel. In fact doing an inventory of my feelings doesn't work for me because my feelings will probably change 50 times during the inventory.

What were my actions today?

Did I pray today?
Did I meditate today?
Did I listen today?
Did I open a door today
Did I carry the message today?
Did I make coffee today?
Did I read my book today?
Did I call my sponsor today?
Did I talk to my sponsees today?
Did I put the friggin shopping cart back into the damn shopping cart aisle today?
Did I pack into the stream of life today?
or---
Did I gossip today?
Did I dodge phone calls today?
Did I yell at someone today?
Did I ignore some one's pain today?
Did I lie today?
Did I litter today?
Did I take out of the stream of life today?

It has to be simple for me. My diseased brain cannot grasp anything very well but yes or no. Black and white. The grays screw me all up. Actually think that caused a very painful IRS audit one time, but I digress...

The point is the top actions in the inventory are the actions I take when I am connected to a Power greater than myself. And when I am connected there is no chance, NO CHANCE of the obsession returning.

The other ones are Jerry's normal operating pattern, the old actions, the ones that lead to death and destruction. When I am taking those actions and living in that mode then the insane thought of drinking can and will sneak up on me.