Will power...

I have zero ability to remove one single character defect. I couldn't remove my obsession to drink. I can't remove my obsession with myself. (Page 62) "Selfishness -- self centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles." It goes on to say we must be rid of this selfishness or it KILLS us. Then it tells us we can't get rid of it. God has to do it. I can't do it. I can't work on it. Most of the time I can't even see it.

What I can do is use my will in the proper fashion. (page 85) How can I best serve God.. His Will not mine be done. I can use my will to work the steps. I can use my will to bend my knee. I can use my will to talk to another alcoholic. I can use my human will to take the actions that bring about a spiritual experience. Then God will bring about that psychic change sufficient to recover from alcoholism, God will remove the character defects that stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and my fellows. God will give me that peace and joy, that freedom that I so crave.

Why do I have to use my will. Because I don't always want to do the work. Sometimes I don't feel like going to another meeting. Sometimes I don't believe the guy sitting in front of me will ever get this deal.

I have to use my will to do these things anyway, because my experience has taught me, sometimes painfully, that what I want, what I feel, and what I believe is mostly a load of crap. I have this diseased brain that wants me to act on whatever it tells me. I did that for 51 years, damn near followed it to gates of insanity and death.

But today, I don't have to listen to that brain quite so much. It just really isn't that important. What is really important is taking the actions to improve my conscious contact with God. I have to let go of my old ideas absolutely. They didn't work. But the God thing, 100% effective.