Service

I am a selfish and self centered alcoholic and addict. Service is not something that comes naturally for me. Yet the Big Book says in many places that I must serve others. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. (Pg 14-15). It says our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. (pg. 77) No where does it say; I am to plan outcomes, it doesn't say I will be of service only if it turns out the way I want it.

I am supposed to be fit to do what God puts in front of me and leave the outcome to Him. It is really none of my business if a newcomer gets the message or not, whether any one thanks me for making coffee or not. Yet again, it isn't about me. And sometimes I want it to be. This is just another manifestation of my disease. It is a natural product of my diseased mind.

This is one more reason I have to stay connected to God. My experience tells me if I am connected to God and something comes up that I really don't want to do and do it anyway, it seems to work out like it is supposed to, even if I don't think so. The issue isn't how great of a job I did, it isn't what a great guy I am. I am not supposed to break my arm patting myself on the back. The key is whether or not I am willing to submit myself before man and God to the process. The other person's reaction has nothing to do with that (thank God). It is a matter of surrender to the Creator, by the creation (me).

As a bonus I must admit, all of the happiest, most joyful, serene moments in my life have come as a result of my obedience to God. But that is not why I perform service, because I can't remember it brings me peace any more than I could remember the pain caused by alcohol. My "rememberer" (my own word, not a typo, I also have "feelers" but they are out of calibration, much to sensitive to use) is broken. The reason I do it is because my sponsor tells me to, the book tells me to, and it seems to be working today for a bunch of other folks.

When I want to take a day off and do a really close inspection of my mind. When I want to figure out what makes me tick, that is when I better get off my ass and be useful to others, because my diseased mind wants to spend lots of "quality" time with me. If I spend to much time listening to the disease that lives in me, I will block myself off from the Sunlight of the Spirit which is a death sentence for an alcoholic of my type.

Today I don't have to do that. Today I will improve my conscious contact with God as I understand Him. Today I will enlarge and perfect my spiritual life. Why, because I was fortunate enough to get hooked up with some people that weren't taking the day off. Some people that were taking action and serving others. Some people that made coffee, paid the bills, kept the lights on, cleaned the tables, emptied the ashtrays, fixed the heater, gave people rides, went to the meeting whether they wanted to or not. Some people that took the time to explain this disease to me and show me how to get connected to God. Today; LIFE ROCKS!!!