Solution

My Higher Power is absolutely consistent today. He always keeps his word. He does what He promises. He never gives up on me. He always tells the truth. He always takes time.

What excellent qualities to have! Perhaps spiritual progress is allowing Him to mold me in a like fashion. Perhaps letting go absolutely to His Power, free falling with God as a dear friend puts it, not only brings bits of peace and harmony today, but also progress.

I cannot focus on my disease, it pulls me inward like gravity. The more I fight it the harder it pulls. I must let go and let God. I must cease fighting anything or anyone. I must allow Him to keep my focus turned outward toward others. That Divine spark is more powerful than the disease. And when I heed it, then it pulls me ever closer to God as I understand Him.

I must surrender to that Divine spark. It manifests itself in my life as the next right action. That is progress for me, leaping out there to take the action, whether I want to, whether I believe it will work, or whether I feel like it. Take the action and leave the rest up to one more powerful than myself. That one is God.

Gratefully I found Him right where He lives... NOW!

Another day...

Self pity is just another form of ego. My ego disorder manifests itself in so many different forms. It is always there, lurking. Thank God for the actions, the spiritual tools of this program. Without them I would surely not survive the certain trials and low spots that we all have. Yet mine are so much worse than anyone else's. Because I am "special" you know. At least that is what my brain tells me. And yet another day has passed and I am relatively sane, reasonably happy, and completely sober.

The reason is because I prayed when I didn't feel like it. I talked to another alcoholic when I didn't want to and I went to a couple of meetings even though I would have rather been anyplace else. Not because I am great, but because God gave me just enough humility and teachability to do what I was supposed to do today. Thanks God!

Now...

I heard a speaker say that the reason it says "That one is God may, you find Him now" in the big book, is because now is where God lives. I hadn't really thought about that before and as I meditated on that, it became clear to me, "now", this moment in time is what matters. My disease lives in the past (resentments) and in the future (fears). My sponsor says the enemy of the next right thing is usually fear. I know that is true in my life. Fear of not getting what I want, or losing something I have, or life not going along with my "little plans an designs". You know what else lives in the future? Outcomes and expectations. Resentments waiting to happen. All the tools that my disease has to work with seem to exist in the past or the future.

This means I must stay in the present. My real God given purpose is to "fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me". That has to be done in the present. So does action, every tool I have been given can pnly be used now. Doesn't matter what I did yesterday, doesn't matter what I plan to do tomorrow. The only thing that matters in my life is what I do now.

Now I ain't no rocket scientist, but if the present is where my Higher Power is and the past and future are where my disease is, then I probably would be much better off hanging out in the present...

Life Rocks... Right now...

The next right thing

The next right thing is not that hard to determine in my life today. My experience is that when I am taking the actions I am supposed to take, trusting God, cleaning house, and helping others, the next right thing just pops up and is usually not that big of a deal to do. When I struggle with it, is when I don't want to do it. 90% of the time when I am saying I don't know what to do on any given thing, it is because deep down I know exactly what to do and don't want to.

My brain, my disease, doesn't want to. So I claim to not be sure, to be "praying" about it. It is like my Dad used to say years ago, I spend more energy and time tring to get out of something rather than just doing it. I really believe Nike has it right..."Just do it".

Another thing that gets me into trouble is trying to predict what the next right thing to do will be 10 minutes from now. My sponsor says all I need to know is where to take the next stitch, I don't get to figure out the pattern. One small step at a time will lead me to where God wants me to be, I don't have to help plan the journey. My Higher Power has all of this under His control. It is a good thing cause my "little plans and designs" are not what I need. They are usually what my disease needs.

Can I still plan, absolutely as long as I realize that my plans may or may not work out the way I want them too. But they will always work out the way He wants them too.