Demonstrations

One of brothers I work with in the program backed into a gas main last week. He did what any one of us might do, drove to his house around the block and reported a gas leak. The police came, evacuated some people, got the gas company out and got the leak stopped.

Then the miracle happened, he went up to the police and told them he was the one that backed into the main. This may not seem like a big deal to some people. But this gentleman is on parole, he knew they would find that out, but more than that he knew his God was everything. And he took the action accordingly. Long story short, it all worked out and everything is OK.

That is the letting God demonstrate what He can do through us. It doesn't matter what I profess to believe, will I take the action? All men of faith have courage. THEY TRUST THEIR GOD.

My brother, now he has some courage. Trust is an action... Will I take it no matter what?

Awakening....

My first sponsor made me read "Spiritual Experience" in the back of the book over and over and over and over and over... Well you get the point. If I had to hear him say "we have tapped an unsuspected inner resource" one more time. I would have screamed. And if you thought about mentioning religion in a meeting he would bite your head off. I fired him once cause I thought he wasn't spiritual enough to sponsor a man of my religious understanding and intellect. But I went back humbled yet again.

Then I began to "awaken". I heard Mark H. talk about going through life asleep. I heard my current sponsor talk about the Divine Spark that tells us where to take the next stitch. I listened to Chuck C. talk about seeing God in other people. The Big Book says on page 55 "the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you." Notice it doesn't say your belief will come! "Deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God" It says you already have it. My idea of God was obscured by my ego and the disorder of it.

I was so busy living in my dream world which later turned into my nightmare that I couldn't or wouldn't wake up. I was living in that nightmare of falling. Luckily I was awakened right before I hit the ground. I was awake just enough to do some of the things I was told. As I did those things I woke up a little more. I did some more things not listening to my own thoughts, feelings and beliefs but listening to my sponsor and people in meetings. The book started to become more real. Later on I became aware of a Spark inside directing me.

The more I listen to that still small voice, that inner resource, the more sensitive I become to it.
When I don't listen then the old ideas speak to me, those feelings will start talking and when I listen to them I start to get sleepy again. I usually hit a wall fall down and have to get back up.

The book says "awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience" For me the consciousness of God in my life is the beginning, the more I can become aware of and see God in you as well the more awake I will be. But that all happens in His time.
This is why I need all of you. To teach me how to stay awake.

I just need to take another stitch. I think I just did.

Outcomes

The more I always tried to control people, the more they rebelled. Even if I thought I was doing the right thing for them and to them, they still rebelled. Here is the basic issue, I never knew what I needed, how could I have possibly known what they needed. The other issue is that if I had known exactly what they needed, I couldn't have given it to them anyway.

Today I am beginning to realize my God given role in life. I was created to be dependent on the Creator. My job is simply to do the next right thing at any given moment, without any expectations. This is true freedom. The outcomes are not my responsibility, that is God's business. How do I get the Power to do this? By taking the actions required to maintain my spiritual condition. (Page 84-88 Big Book) My business is simply to take the actions I am supposed to take and leave the rest to Him.

I just have to be as fair and helpful as I can be to everyone I come in contact with, and leave the results to God. This include sponsees, family, friends, customers, employees, pretty much everyone. I am not saying I do this all the time, but when I can, then I have real peace.

Now about that spiritual condition thing, I have to take those actions, not so God will love me. I believe He already does no matter what. The Big Book says all this crap in our mind had us blocked from the Sunlight of the Spirit. The Great Big Book says we were alienated in our MINDS from God. I do the maintenance of my spiritual condition to change my perception, not to change God's.

Old Ideas

Letting go absolutely of my old ideas, seems to be a process not a one time decision. As I grow spiritually, I find more and more of my old ideas must fall to the way side. If I try to hang on to them, it is usually painful. I don't like pain, that is why I came to AA in the first place. I absolutely could not stand the pain of my life any longer. It was so bad, that I was willing to do ANYTHING to get away from it.

The good news is that I am learning to let go of old ideas before the pain becomes to great. As I continue to hit different bottoms, I am becoming more willing to let go quickly. This is spiritual growth for me today. Surrendering my old ideas for a design for living that really works! Realizing that the Power I always needed and desired for living doesn't come from me at all. Yet it is constantly available to me.

I always thought, that the more power and control I had, the happier I could be. Who would have ever thought that surrendering my non-existent power and control could lead to happiness and freedom.

A good friend of mine always asks "How free do you want to be?" Today I know the answer to that question, and more importantly, I know how to achieve it. If I want to be free of something all I have to do is let go... Absolutely!!!

Oh, and the design for living that really works? Dr. Bob knew... Trust God, clean house, and help others... One stitch at a time...