Awakening....

My first sponsor made me read "Spiritual Experience" in the back of the book over and over and over and over and over... Well you get the point. If I had to hear him say "we have tapped an unsuspected inner resource" one more time. I would have screamed. And if you thought about mentioning religion in a meeting he would bite your head off. I fired him once cause I thought he wasn't spiritual enough to sponsor a man of my religious understanding and intellect. But I went back humbled yet again.

Then I began to "awaken". I heard Mark H. talk about going through life asleep. I heard my current sponsor talk about the Divine Spark that tells us where to take the next stitch. I listened to Chuck C. talk about seeing God in other people. The Big Book says on page 55 "the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you." Notice it doesn't say your belief will come! "Deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God" It says you already have it. My idea of God was obscured by my ego and the disorder of it.

I was so busy living in my dream world which later turned into my nightmare that I couldn't or wouldn't wake up. I was living in that nightmare of falling. Luckily I was awakened right before I hit the ground. I was awake just enough to do some of the things I was told. As I did those things I woke up a little more. I did some more things not listening to my own thoughts, feelings and beliefs but listening to my sponsor and people in meetings. The book started to become more real. Later on I became aware of a Spark inside directing me.

The more I listen to that still small voice, that inner resource, the more sensitive I become to it.
When I don't listen then the old ideas speak to me, those feelings will start talking and when I listen to them I start to get sleepy again. I usually hit a wall fall down and have to get back up.

The book says "awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience" For me the consciousness of God in my life is the beginning, the more I can become aware of and see God in you as well the more awake I will be. But that all happens in His time.
This is why I need all of you. To teach me how to stay awake.

I just need to take another stitch. I think I just did.