Growing

It has become easier for me to surrender, than it used to be. Now I don't have to exhaust all my options, every time before giving it to God. I think growing for me, is seeing God increase my ability to give it over quicker. True humility and true peace go hand in hand. If I ever reach the point of being able to surrender immediately when external things happen, or even better whether things are happening or not, life will work out much better. But hey, progress not perfection.

To be able to live in a state of true surrender, means to have true peace and serenity, then I will be always fit to be of maximum service to God and the people about me. I cannot acheive this by human effort, God has to do it. Today I will use my will to try to stay out of His way and let Him continue the good work He has started within me...

Dependence...

As each day passes, my realization is made stronger of the fact that I was created to be a dependent being. Not dependent on drugs or alcohol, or people, or material things... I tried all of that for years. I was created to be dependent on the Creator, in everything... Yet I still get wrapped up in life, in what I am doing, and think I can depend on myself or external things. But, I am becoming more and more aware of my weakness. My weakness is not a bad thing as long as I stay connected to God. In my weakness, His Power is shown to be perfect, patient, kind, and never failing.

May I always come back to center, may I always remember my constant need for God. Only He can fill the hole inside and only He can heal the spiritual malady that exists within me... May I constantly depend on this inner most Resource, the Spark of life, the little portion of God that resides within us all... May I always depend on the Eternal, not the external...

Fitting In

My God given purpose in life is to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me. Physically fit, mentally fit, and most importantly spiritually fit. If I straighten out spiritually, the physical and mental will follow. To be spiritually fit my ego must fit. Therein lies the main problem, because my I have a disorder of the ego. My diseased brain tells me I am the center of the universe and, should I allow it, the stars will revolve around me. My sponsor has informed me this is not the case. (had a little resentment over that).

It turns out I am really powerless. It turns out that lack of power is my dilemma. What I really need is to find a Power by which I can live. I wonder where and how I could find this Power. Guess what? There is a book that is written exactly for that purpose! Its main purpose is to enable me to find a Power greater than myself to solve my problem! And get this, it was written in 1939 and it still works. The title; Alcoholics Anonymous, kind of quaint.

Now surely I could just peruse this book. Skim it, get the highlites. Then I could just use the parts of it I liked and skip the rest. After all I am special, a man with my superior intelligence afterall... I tried that for quite some time, it didn't seem to work, damn book.

Then alcohol took me to a jumping off place, and the place was not pretty. I was faced with two alternatives, one was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of my intolerable situation, the other to accept spiritual help. Accepting help would be admitting I was not the center of the universe. The minute I took that small step, something happened, I fell down hard. But my sponsor was there to catch me. Alot of people were there to catch me.

Now I realize it was God that caught me, he just used those danged alcoholics to do it. They took me through the steps, the difference was this time I wasn't kicking and screaming. I worked at it with the desparation of a drowning man. And I found God (turns out He was not ever lost).

Life is no longer the same, I know my place, it is whatever and wherever God says it is. Now I am there to catch some people, and everytime I am reaching out to a newcomer, I am not falling. I think it is because God has me.

Trust God, clean house, help others... Join us on the firing line of life. We need you!

Truth

The Truth for me is in the Big Book of AA. The first 164 pages. That book and the Program contained within, along with a sponsor, taught me how to connect to GOD!!! He got me sober and He keeps me sober. He also set me free from so many other things, and is working on the others in His good time. I am powerless and hopeless without God. I don't know how to get sober or stay sober. I don't know how to live one moment in sanity or clarity. I don't know how to love or be loved. I don't know the reason for life. I don't know the reason for pain, death, or anything else. But I do know God, and He knows how to do all of those things for me. The only reason I know God on an intimate, personal level, is because of the Program of AA. So don't ask me to dilute it, don't ask me to be quiet, don't ask me to deny any portion of it. Don't ask me to accept middle of the road BS. For to do so means death for me. Spiritual and physical...

Middle of the road, watered down, take your time doing the steps, don't work with newcomers for the first year, AA kills real alcoholics and addicts. But far worse than that, it takes away their last hope.

If that is what you stand for, then you don't stand for anything, and if you must come to our AA meeting then please SHUTUP. Our AA meetings don't have room for opinion, we don't have time. People are dying! We live in the solution, not anyones screwed up opinion. Not even mine. Hey, let's try this, if it isn't in the book then let's don't say it in a meeting. If you must give an opinion then get your own blog and spew garbage all over it. That is what I do...

Spiritual Giants

I was at a conference this weekend with what I considered, when I got there, to be some "spiritual giants". In the old days that would have left me feeling apart, less than, not good enough. I would have had to try to prove that I was just as good as, or better than. My HP has shown me that these people are not competitors in some race to be run. Rather brothers in a way of life that has saved us all. I talked to them and LISTENED to them, and came away amazed at the Power of God. I learned from God through them all, partially by listening, partially by observing that, we are all alike in one aspect; the Power does not belong to any of us, it is only ours to use. We are all the same, the better job we do of getting out of the way, the more that Power is revealed. I learned this; God allows me to see Himself in everyone I meet. The guys I considered to be "spiritual giants" are simply guys that have learned to get out of God's way.

Actions

Intentions are what I always thought mattered. As long as my intentions were good it should be alright for me to use you, step on you, worry you, and generally cause you pain. I am learning as I grow that intentions are of little consequence, it is what I do that matters. I intended to do lots of great things. Very rarely did that happen. I intended to quit drinking. I still almost died. Decisive action is what works for me today. When I am taking action, and improving my conscious contact with God, things go a lot better.

A part of...

God,

Help me be a part of your plan today, a part of my loved ones lives, a part of my Group, a part of AA, a part of the stream of life, a part of the Solution. Not apart from...

Relieve me of the bondage of self. My magic magnifying mind will tell me I'm different, I'm special, I'm not good enough, I'm too good.

Help me to remember, I am just another member of AA, not a leader, just another one of God's kids...

Spiritual Awakenings

I keep working this program. My life keeps getting better and sometimes it seems like it is happening in spite of me. The more I try to pack into the stream of life the more the stream just rolls me along. The more I awaken. Mark H. was right about living this life asleep. As I begin to awaken spiritually I am beginning to see that the elimination of drinking is but a beginning. God has a plan for me, God has a plan for us all. I only have to do the right thing and more is revealed. And I do the wrong things alot of the time. Yet He doesn't give up, He just keeps blessing and moving. God help me stay out of the way. Thy Will not mine be done...