Progress, not perfection. I have used that for a cop out many times. Now I know above all else I will never be perfect. However, I must strive to improve my conscious contact with God. I must remember where I fit in the scheme of things. I must know that my thoughts, my feelings, and my beliefs are not reality, and they are certainly not what needs to be driving my actions. All of these things I must do every day if I am to progress. And one thing I have been taught and I have witnessed in this program is that I am progressing or regressing. Being static is not a possibility for an alcoholic of my type.

As Chuck C. puts it I have two choices today. I can run the show and experience the consequences thereof, or I can let God run the show and experience the consequences thereof. Today I choose option two. I am very grateful to God, the program, and you people for that.

Everything I know about anything...

God is, I do, it works!!!

Packing it in...

I went to a great conference this weekend. It was wonderful. And after all of that I went to my own little group tonight. I saw the Power of God tonight, just as real as it was at the conference. Now don't get me wrong I love the big get togethers. I also love the time we spend sharing this message at our little home group.

I had the privilege of spending some time with my sponsor this weekend. I also had the privilege of sharing with a couple of guys having a hard time getting this deal tonight. Got to live in the solution with some good friends at both places.

I don't know what the point of all this is, except this: No matter where I go, and no matter whats going on, if I go with the thought of loving, comforting, and understanding, rather than the thought of being loved, comforted and understood then my cup absolutely runs over. Its about packing it into the stream of life. I never have to take again. My God will take care of me.

I love you guys!!!

Another Day...

Today is just another day. Right? Just another day? No way! It is all about perception. Today people will die from alcoholism, today people will start their new journey in sobriety, today fortunes will be made and lost. There is something very special about today for me. God gave it to me. Will I surrender my will? Will I humble myself before him? Will I do the next right thing? Will I reach out to other alcoholics and addicts. Will I improve my conscious contact with God as I understand Him? Today is a beautiful thing and for me, just realizing that is another miracle.

Giving it away.

I got up and prayed this morning. Read my books and told God "This is your year" do with it as You will. How grandiose is my thinking... It hit me then in my meditation that I can't give God this year, or this month, or this week, or even this day. I am not capable of giving Him a complete hour ahead of time.

What I can do is submit to Him this instant. Now... We read it all the time "That one is God may you find Him NOW!!!" I realize this is what my sponsor means when he says take the next stitch. If I could give it all to Him ahead of time I would then become impatient with the way things are going. I would think I could get there quicker by taking a shortcut in place of a step.

My first sponsor used to say contented sobriety is a journey not a destination. Today I am on that journey. My inability to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him on a permanent basis is really a blessing. I need to make that decision over and over again each day. Why? It improves my conscious contact with God. And that contact is what anchors my actions to the Rock in the midst of storms. It frees me from my arrogance of asking God why?

I no longer have to out perform, out think and outmaneuver the rest of God's kids. I really sucked at that anyway. The next right thing, the next stitch, this I am capable of. Now this is what I call a Happy New Year!!!

Sometimes

My thoughts are crazy. They are always running through my mind it seems. Crazy thoughts, without rhyme or reason. Horrible thoughts, mean thoughts, selfish thoughts. Today that is ok. Today I know that is my disease, ever present, ever lurking, ever dangerous. The difference in now and before? Today I don't have to act on these thoughts, I know that there is another Power in me. Greater than my brain, my disease, my ego.

I have been taught that while my feelings are real, they are not reality. There is a huge difference. Reality is that God is everything. Reality is that my thoughts and my feelings are just not that important. Its kind of like the weather in West Texas. Its ok not to like it cause it will change in about 15 more minutes. Same way with my feelings and my thoughts.

What is consistent is my God. What has to stay consistent are my actions. Outcomes--Not my business, my spiritual condition--Not my business, the maintenance of my spiritual condition--Now that is my business. That is what makes me fit to be of maximum service to God and the people about me.

Today the actions I take are the actions I have been taught. The less my thoughts and feelings have to do with my actions, the smoother life seems to be. And here is the absolute kicker. When I take the right action, my old sick mind seems to follow right along.

My God Rocks!!!

Fitting In

The topic at the meeting last night was humility. I think the realization that, I had failed completely at drinking and drugging was a very good starting point for me. But the knowledge that I have failed totally and completely at life, is what really has begun to set me free. I am starting to fit into my proper position. I was created to be dependent on the Creator. Apart from Him, I am nothing. It says in the Big Book "The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves."

This is my story. But before I could perceive that He was indeed living in my heart, I had to concede the fact, that apart from Him I was nothing. Never had been, never would be.

Today I can cast all my cares on Him because I know He cares for me. I start my day by surrendering to my God, on my knees, whether I feel like it, whether I believe it will work, and whether I want to do it or not. Every day. I take the action and then I try to do what my God has for me to do that day. Am I perfect at it, hell no... But my God doesn't seem to be nearly as interested in perfection as He is persistence. That is a good thing.

How do I know it works? I'm sober, mostly content, I feel useful and life is a vibrant, exciting adventure most of the time. And when its not, I just keep on taking the actions, because no matter how bad I feel or how great I feel it is only temporary, and my feelings although they are real, they are definitely not reality. My sponsor says that and I know exactly what he means today...