The big lie... or the big I...

Sometimes I get so caught up in the work I am doing in AA that I start believing the big lie... That lie is that I am doing anything under my own power to stay sober or to help someone else. I am not GOD IS... I just have to "fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me". (AA Bigbook Pg 77) Gone are the days when I thought I had to be some big AA speaker, or the next great AA evangelist. I am beginning to realize that when I am spiritually fit God will give me the next thing to do. It might be speaking, or it may be going to get water for the group, making coffee, talking to a sponsee, being polite to the lady at the store, it's really none of my business what it is. Again what I think or feel does not matter... What I do is what matters. This is the key of serenity for me today. Being fit and doing what I am supposed to do.

Relationship

To be spiritually fit, I must realize my true position in relation to God. He is the Employer, He is the Director, He is the Father, He is Power. My job is to trust Him and remember that I control nothing. What a peaceful place to be... when I remember that piece of information and act accordingly. My God is patient though, He will let me try to run the show. I imagine that sometimes He must find my feeble attempts quite humorous. He never leaves me or abandons me, He is always there, patiently waiting for me to let go... If I do not remember my true position, then I will be unwilling to take the actions required to grow and expand my spiritual condition. That is a death sentence for me... He is the Creator - I am the creation...

Perceptions

How do I perceive pain, trials, and challenges. I must perceive them as building blocks on the road to becoming spiritually fit. I must look on them as costs of spiritual growth. If not, I will start falling into that trap of resentment and self pity. Both of which are fatal to me. Acceptance, courage, and wisdom, these grow everyday as long as I take a few simple actions. My actions, trusting God, cleaning house, and helping others, water these attributes and help them grow everyday. However looking back I see that these seeds of growth were sown in the valleys of my life, not on the hilltops...

Power

"Lack of Power, That was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves." (Pg 45 BB) Notice the book does not say find a power which we could control, or which would give us our way, or which we could possess. Simply by which we could live. What I had to realize is that I can live by this Power daily, only by submitting to it. Only by letting go absolutely. The only way for me to live by this Power is to give up all my perceived power, which shouldn't be to hard considering I never had any real power anyway....

One Day at a Time

Some of us in the fellowship have "perverted this truth". No where in the big book does it state I won't drink today, but maybe I will tomorrow. The big book says there must be "no lurking notion that I can be immune to alcohol". (pg 33) It says "we are like men who have lost our legs; we never grow new ones" (pg 30)

The big book refers to a "24 hour reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." (pg 85) Notice is doesn't say contingent on our spiritual condition. It says if I take the actions everyday to maintain my spiritual condition. I will not have the desire to drink. Thank God for that! My perception of my spiritual condition is based on thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are not important. Right action and the results of taking right action is all that matters. That is so powerful to me, for action is where the rubber meets the road. Action results from a decision being made.

My Higher power honors action, my Higher Power keeps me sober... Whether I am believing it on any given day doesn't matter... Doing the deal keeps me connected...

How it works

It works well. I have been rocketed into a 4th dimension. Not always feeling that way, but always knowing that my Higher Power is with me. What a powerful piece of information that is. That single fact makes me happy, joyous and free when I take the time to remember it. I have to make my conscious contact and I have to sacrifice self and work with others to make it grow. When I am living in this truth, when my perceptions are not skewed, by lifes ups and downs, I can rest my Spirit in God's and the results are literally out of this world. "Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity" (BB pg 68) I don't keep me sober, God does... I don't provide my own peace, God does...

Out of self

Selfishness and self centeredness, this is the root of my problems. But what to do about it... I like being all wrapped up in myself. How can I get more of what I want? How can I work this, so I end up OK. Thinking of the other person is not my strong suit. In fact I suck at it. But it is getting better. The only time I am not way too self involved, is when I am working with someone else. This is the only way I can reach that state of not thinking about me. Whether I want to do it or not, I force myself to because the other option is to quit growing spiritually, get drunk and die. Since I have been working with others though, I find myself wanting to do it more, to have that "high" of watching someone else grow. Like everything else in the program, if I do it even when I don't want to it works... Yeah God!!!