First things First

I hear people all of the time talking about learning wisdom, about trying to be more humble, about trying to be grateful, about learning acceptance.

Wisdom, humility, gratitude, and acceptance cannot be learned.  They cannot be worked on. They cannot be sought directly with success.

These things are brought about as a result of having a daily conscious contact with God.  This happens as a result of working and living the 12 steps.

I can try my hardest to be "better".  I can make myself notes, recite endless mantras, read countless books, do positive affirmations till I am blue in the face, but it will all be to no avail until I surrender and take the action of working the 12 steps.

Somewhere in that process God "shows up" and my life is changed forever... All that is required is that I continue to do those things required to maintain that spiritual connection...

Wisdom, humility, gratitude, and acceptance are gifts of God's grace...  I cannot earn them.  I cannot attain them... They are a natural outflowing of God's Spirit within me...

My human attempts to achieve them and control them, only lead to me blocking them by seeking the Fruit of the Spirit, instead of the Spirit itself...

Producing Confusion

I sat in an "AA" meeting today and heard everything but solution.  I heard about therapy, and feelings, and the "power" of our drunkalogs.  I heard about crappy weeks and just not drinking between meetings.  I heard about having to find a meeting to get plugged into God.  I can't do that I need to stay plugged in all the time and sometimes there aren't any meetings at 3:00 am. 

And then it dawned on me.  I have three meetings a week where I can hear nothing but solution, I have a couple of more where there is some hope shared.  Why am I sitting in this meeting anyway.

So I determined for me and just for me.  That I will no longer participate in those meetings, I will no longer contribute to this style of AA.  What I will do is redouble my efforts to be at all of the meetings I can, where the solution is being offered. To contribute my time and energy to those places. To steer the still suffering alcoholics God puts in my path to a place where they can hear the truth...  Not the truth according to me, but the truth in the first 164 pages of the big book...

A solitary voice or two cannot compete with the clamor of "easier softer ways" within the ears of a newcomer.  I must no longer allow the clear message of hope I carry to be watered down day after day by a group of people who can stay sober by just attending a lot of meetings.  Obviously, the vast majority of those people are not afflicted as I am afflicted. 

What I am doing when I am in a meeting like that is producing confusion... I am trying to get people to change their way of thinking.  It isn't going to happen...  Let the middle of the road feelings people have their meeting... I have to cease fighting anything or anyone...  And they always want to attack after you share truth. 

God has given me the opportunity to be a part of a place where a real alcoholic can come and get  the real message of hope... I must do my part in that...

I need to be with my brothers and sisters the real alcoholics who are going to die if they don't find this way of life...  And the ones who are so happy, joyous, and free when they do...

Unmanageability

Most people come into AA and assume they know what the unmanageability is that we talk about in Step 1.  I heard it tonight.  A new guy said he knew he was powerless and that when he sobers up he will be able to manage his life.  This is not my experience.

Everybody thinks the unmanageability has to do with their checkbook, or relationship status or their legal standing.  It has NOTHING to do with the external.  It is that INTERNAL anxiety inside me, that "if only" thing I have going on.  If only I had this or that, THEN every thing would be wonderful.... That feeling of not quite fitting in, that feeling too good or not good enough for something or someone all at the same time.

It is an internal condition, I had it BEFORE I drank and used.  Drinking and using FIXES it, or at least it did early on. 

My life is still unmanageable by me today.  But now I have a solution, a new Employer, a Higher Power that manages my life just fine.

What I learned is that my life was not designed by the Creator to be managed by me.  I could take all the driving courses in the world.  I could get my CDL... I could get tutored by Rusty Wallace...  But I would still be unable to go outside find a giant boulder and drive it down the street.... Why... It wasn't designed to be driven by me...

You may think that sounds crazy... But the big book doesn't say I can manage my life better... It says...my life is UNMANAGEABLE... It wasn't designed to be managed by me.  I was designed to take the actions that God directs me to take.  When I do that the spiritual malady is overcome and everything falls into place...

It is called doing God's will.  I can't even attempt that till I work the steps and get connected to this Power...  And then it is simply a process of getting up, taking the actions required of me each day and showing others how to live happy, joyous, and free... This rockets me daily into that 4th dimension called God's Grace and that is all I ever needed or really wanted... I just didn't know it...

Humility

Humility is not something I am capable of working on or fighting to attain.  Humility is simply REALIZING (when something becomes real to me) that I am nothing apart from God; the knowledge that I am the creation, made to be dependent on the Creator.  Apart from Him I am nothing.  It is REALIZING that my life is still unmanageable by me today.  No matter how hard I try, I cant do it.  It is not my job. It is God's job.

Now here is the real kicker, everyone else is in the same boat.  If that is real to me, then God will manage my life in such a way that being kind to others, putting others before myself will be a natural out flow. 

But then I will forget and the pain will come back and once again I will have to REALIZE that I can't manage my life.

If I set out to be a "better person" and "treat others nicer" it just won't work.  But when I start the day with my God, on my knees, acknowledging my utter inability to run my life.  If I ask for knowledge of His will and the Power to carry it out.  Then He will give me the Power to do the next right thing.  And how I treat other people will not be such an issue.

If I go through my day in complete dependence on Him, the natural result will be a kindlier, gentler, less selfish Jerry.

Do I do that everyday?  Not so much, but I always start the day out in utter dependence on Him and that works so much better than the way I used to live. Progress not perfection...

Apart from Him I am nothing, the Father does the work...

We are AA!!!

Some friends of mine and I are starting a new chapter in our lives today.  Our little group we started is moving into a new home and we are going to be having three meetings a week.  We had our last meeting in our old location tonight and it was so cool.  We had a good attendance and everyone shared their experience and hope about the topic that was presented out of the Big Book.

After the meeting I got to share some experiences out of my past with a brother who is going through some of the same things.  It was a very enlightening experience for me.  Yet again, a chance to see how God can use my experience to benefit others.

I have been struck by something all day.  The real beauty of this Program is that we get to do it from now on.  We are on a spiritual journey together without end...  We are AA... We love you and you are welcome here...

We don't care if you are black, white, red, brown, purple, or green. We don't care if you are straight or gay... It doesn't matter to us if you are rich or poor.  Blessed with an intelligence beyond belief or just simple minded...  We love you...

What we do care about is this... 

When you drink can you control the amount you drink EVERY time? or...

Given sufficient cause can you stop altogether?

If the answer to EITHER one of those questions is NO... Then we have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and join in brotherly and harmonious action!!!

And here is the real kicker... We are having a blast doing it.  We are living above our present circumstances by the Grace of God... We absolutely insist on enjoying life....

Come and join us on the Broad Highway...  Our life ROCKS!!! because our GOD ROCKS!!!

Daily Action

In my office I have a hand written note pinned to the wall. It says "I pray that this will be a life changing experience" 

It was written by a sponsee and given to me right before a meeting, before we started working the Steps. He is dead now. And has been for awhile. 

He obviously believed in something or He wouldn't have prayed. But belief was not enough. He would not take the ACTION required... 

I know another guy that joined us at the same time. He didn't believe in anything, but he took the actions. He has done more to help people in the last year and a half than a lot of people I know. 

The difference wasn't in how we worked the steps. The difference was in the willingness to take ACTION...

That note is a reminder to me to take action everyday...

Power on the move...

I have some dear friends in the program. Their stories are touching my heart today;

One of them, is taking his child to Houston to see if he has a serious medical problem, one of them has just found out he has a 4 year old son and is going to have the opportunity to be part of his life sober. Another has a family member who has relapsed.  Another has business troubles of a serious nature, another has been blessed with a new job opportunity.

What do these guys have in common?  They have God's Power in their life today.  They are actively working the steps.  They are actively sponsoring other people.  They are each grateful for the positions in which they find themselves.

They have turned their thoughts to people they can help.  They are living happy, joyous and free no matter what their present circumstances.

This is the Power we can help people find in our fellowship. This is what it is all about.

It is not about sitting around after a few years of sobriety and pontificating to others, lecturing them on how they should act, walk, and talk. 

It is not about endless debates and wordy arguments.

It is not about opinion and damn sure not about therapy. 

It is about getting connected with the Creator and doing things His way for a change.

So get down off of your soapbox or up off your ass and join us... And if you won't or can't do that please, at least get out of the way... Cause we are on the move, and the Power of God can't be stopped...

What we carry is the clear message of hope as outlined in the first 164 pages of a book called Alcoholics Anonymous...

Peace and Love