Ego and some other stuff

EGO such a small word for such a recurring issue. This remains the number one issue in my life today, as far as I know. Thank God for deflation, and thank God for this program. Remembering that I am not the center of the Universe is a little easier today, but not always. I think that is why in my life, the only way to win this struggle is by working with others. That seems to be the only time that I am able to be completely removed from self. I think that is why Bill Wilson thought it was so important. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank he would surely die. (AA Big Book Pg.14) Sounds pretty important!

I have often said my sponsor or his sponsor saved my life. That is simply not true. The message they carried saved my life. Thank God for people who will carry this message. Thank God for people who told me the truth and got me working with others within days of getting sober. This is what keeps me alive, happy, joyous and free.

We need to be careful what we tell newcomers for this is life and death. I don't ever want to give my opinion, which may or may not be right. I only want to carry the message as laid out in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Therein lies truth. And the Truth has set me free...

Conformity

Conforming to anything in this day and age has more negative connotations than positive. However, that is not my experience. Conforming my will to God's is the way to serenity and peace in my life. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity. (AA Big Book) Pg. 68

How do I accomplish this? First of all I have to quit playing God, second I have to ask for His Guidance (pray), and lastly I have to listen (meditate). What will I do today that is more important than spending time with the Creator of the universe? Absolutely Nothing. When all else fails then I must take an action that gets me out of my self. Because God's Will is never that I be focused on me.

Do I fail miserably at this sometimes? Yes, but progress not perfection right?

The "Do" Things

When my mind is working overtime, when I am letting my own mental garbage distract me from my God given purpose, when I am trying to "run the show" and don't even realize it. The "Do" things bring me some relief, some comfort. They seem to remind me that I am anchored to the Rock. Where nothing can harm me. Especially my own twisted mind. There is a comfort there. For deep within me lies a still small Voice. God, may I never block myself from that Voice, may I always remember that left to my own devices there is nothing but calamity and chaos. May I always trust in the knowledge that You are my Anchor and that by taking the actions; prayer, meditation, talking to my sponsor, working with others, doing the "Do" things, I can always return to that calm place, from which your Power truly nurtures my heart and manifests itself in my life... For that I am very grateful...

Honesty

The Program of AA as outlined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book does not say that we have to be totally honest to stop drinking or using. It states on page 58 that we will develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. This is good news for me. I am no more capable of being honest than I am of staying sober. My Higher Power has to handle this for me also.

If we are waiting to be acceptable to people or to God before launching out on this course of action, we will probably die. Jump in with both feet. Get a sponsor. Work the steps, pray, meditate, work with others. You will be amazed what will be accomplished in your life through these simple actions. You don't have to believe anything you simply have to be willing and take the action. It works, it really does....

Trusting in God

What is being made aware to me is that trusting God can occur on so many levels. It is not just the big things in life that I can't figure out. More importantly, it is the small trivial things that I think I have completely in control. The actuality is, that I don't have control over anything, and I don't need to. The more I let go the better things are.

Meditation for example. Everyday I learn that meditation is not something I do. It is something that happens to me. All I have to do is take the time to be quiet and God handles it from there. What do I need out of it? Exactly what I get. What is that? I don't know. I just know it is good. My mind is renewed and my heart is at peace.

How do I go about trusting God? By giving up. By letting go. By admitting that I don't know anything. Head knowledge does me absolutely no good. In fact for me it is a dangerous thing. When I start thinking I know, I am in trouble. Much better to trust infinite God rather than my finite self. (AA Big Book Pg. 68)

Learning

God is teaching me daily to give it up. Surrender. I can't do this. I don't have to do this! God's got this. All of it. The more I depend on Him and the less I depend on me, the better life is. Amazing fact just in: I don't have to know His Will to do it. I just have to do the next right thing that comes up. He will take care of the rest. I spend my time with Him in prayer and meditation and then go with my gut and it all seems to work out. I think thats because He controls my gut too when I allow it. Suit up, show up, and shut up. Its pretty simple really. Goes against everything I have been taught to think my whole life, but obviously that crap wasn't working cause here I am and there I was. Yeah God!!!

A thought

Everything will work out exactly like it is supposed to today, because God is large and in charge.

Take action, work with someone else. Have Joy and Peace!