Basic Text

When I start analyzing and interpreting the simple instructions in our basic text, then I am really just back to trusting my brain instead of God's power.  That didn't work out to well for me.  Our text book is a set of written instructions on how to live and act.  I don't need to analyze it and I don’t need to interpret it, I just need to do it.  I can read the book everyday till I die, I can engage in great debates, I can sit around with the older members and we can intellectualize.  That will not make me happy, joyous and free. And it won’t treat my alcoholism.

 

Taking the actions, working the steps, helping others to work the steps and get connected to God, that is what I am supposed to do.  That is where God wants me. This is what treats the selfishness and self-centeredness of my disease. Around me hundreds of people are dying from alcoholism, and I have the absolute arrogance to sit on my butt and debate what Bill meant by this or that.  How selfish and self-centered can I be.  I used to think I could use my knowledge to find God. I used to think I had to go off by myself and be on the river to find God.  In other words I searched for spiritual experiences. Not anymore.  Do I still like to get by myself on the river absolutely.  Is God there? Absolutely.

 

But the fact of the matter is my next spiritual experience, the next big one will probably come when I am with someone, that I think won’t ever get this deal, going through the steps, when I don’t feel good.  When I would rather be anyplace else.  And then something will come flying out of my mouth that I didn’t even know and then I will see it.  That little spark in his eyes.  And I will end up experiencing the Power of God that day.

 

People are dying all around me from this disease.  Do I sit and watch them and judge them while they slip away?  Or do I reach out of my comfort zone, do I take them by the hand and look them in the eye and tell them the truth.  Do I carry the mess or the clear message of Hope.  Do I worry about how that may make me look to others around me or do I trust the 6^th sense that I have been promised that is being developed inside of me.  Do I pat them on the butt and say keep coming back?  Or do I take the time to qualify them, to show them what it means to be a diagnosed alcoholic.  Do I proclaim truth or do I offer opinions?

 

Back in my sponsorship lineage there was a man named Dr. Bob. He said keep it simple.  He helped over 5000 alcoholics in 15 years.  Someone told me tonight my goal should be to die sober.  SCREW THAT… My goal is to live happy joyous and free everyday… How do I do that? By doing my best to take the actions described in our book.  By trying to help others for free and for fun. I didn’t get a personal relationship with the Creator by studying about Him, or even by trying to discover Him.  I learned what little I know by working a spiritual program of action…  And I learn more everytime I open my heart to one of His children, especially when I don’t want to.

The River

God’s Will has always been taking me somewhere.   When I make a conscious decision and take the appropriate action to flow with the current, things always work better. 

When I get sucked into the whirlpools of selfishness and self-centeredness, I end up bashed against the rocks of anger and fear.  I harm myself and others with my violent struggles. This causes myself and the people around me a great deal of pain and interrupts my journey.

I see thorny vines of emotional, financial, and physical comfort.  I struggle to reach them mightily with all of my effort, using all of my self will, only to grasp them and watch them slip away.  For they are not the Solution, they are fleeting and temporary at best.  Even if I manage to cling to one, it simply comes un-rooted and slips away.

Yet, still I struggle, still I fight, the tension is mounting, the fear grows exponentially! I try to stand on the shifting pebbles on the bottom of the river.  I try to desperately to gain a purchase on the slippery rocks. I try to stand on the backs of my fellows, I try to raise myself, at their expense.  They retaliate, and yet again I am wounded, battered, bloodied by my relentless urge to propel myself against the current of God’s Will.

I shake my fist in defiance.  I make one more feeble attempt to fight. Again I fail, the result, more pain.

The only way to get out of that vortex of destruction is to let go.  I have to let go of the old ideas to which I have always clung.  I have to cease fighting anything or anyone.  I have to float…  And when I do the loving, caring, hand of my Creator, usually in the form of a sponsor or a dear friend, simply plucks me from the whirlpool, and sets me back in the gentle current of His Grace.  

The water is warmer here.  My wounds are healed, my strength is renewed, and my serenity is restored.  Then and only then can I be of service, God can then use me to help rescue the next drowning man, and he in turn helps another.  And so we journey.

To stay on that course takes some action.  A turn here, a kick there.  Some prayer, some meditation, and always being there when someone reaches out for help.

The rewards are immense, the life is joy filled.  Staying on course isn’t always easy, there will be more rapids and whirlpools ahead I am sure.  But there are more of us now, it is harder to get swept away, when one is surrounded by the Power of God.  When it is manifested in so many ways, and it’s evidence is overwhelming.

I thank God for the River of his Grace and my fellow travelers…

 

Jerry

Amazing...

Got hit with some pretty devastating stuff this week, personally and professionally.  Naturally I chose to do what we always do which is to retreat into resentment, fear, self-pity, and all the rest.

Fortunately, I have some people very close to me who are not a bit afraid of calling me on that crap.  So I broke out the old pencil and paper, did the inventory, did the prayers, read it to another recovered person, listened to their input.  Turned it over to God and moved on to doing the next right thing.

I am amazed at the Power and the Grace of God when I even make a small effort to take the right actions.  My mind is renewed, and the things that were blocking me from the Sunlight of the Spirit, no longer are.

God is everything or else He is nothing!!!  Today I choose everything...  I am happy, joyous and free once again...

Awareness...

God has given me a gift through this program. 

I have witnessed terrible, tragic things in just my short time working with alcoholics and addicts. 

I know what it is like to watch people you love die.

I have experienced the heartbreak of watching someone turn away from the gift offered to them by sobriety.

I have seen others lives changed completely, by the Power of God.

But the one thing, the most important thing, the only thing of value I have today is the consciousness of the presence of God.

He has opened my eyes, He has given me the ability to see His Power displayed in a thousand different ways, by a thousand different people. 

The age of miracles is still with us. We see them and experience them everyday.

The brief periods of time when I get to experience His vision without the scales of pride, prejudice, and judgment, are so illuminating, so precious, that I stand amazed.

To keep experiencing this, I must take action, I must turn away from self and outward toward my fellow travelers, and I must do this in all areas of my life.

I wish for you my friend, whoever you are, these little glimpses of peace and joy.

And for my friends that are no longer here...

I promise your memory will not die, your stories will be used to help the next person.  You did not die in vain.  God is everything, and nothing, absolutely nothing happens in this world by mistake.  But I suppose you realize that already....


BB pg 16  "An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.  Our struggles with them are variously strenuous, comic, and tragic......   Faith has to work 24 hour a day in and through us, or we perish....
Each day my friend's simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will towards men....

Join us, take your rightful place in the trench, we need you...

Passion

"Practical experience shows that nothing will insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail."  BB pg 89

Can someone please explain to me how we got from that to "you shouldn't sponsor anybody till you have been sober at least a year, you can't chair a meeting till you have been sober for at least 6 months.

OK, nobody did so I will.  It has been passed along by a bunch of people in our fellowship that were taught in some treatment center that they will always be recovering, that they should stay away from their triggers, and that if they get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired they might drink.  Just try your best to not drink today.  It will be OK just keep coming back. 

I would bet that a good percentage of these people aren't even real alcoholics.  Yet, they rise to power in our groups and make these rules because the real alcoholics are either out in the trenches doing the deal, or trying to practice "love and tolerance." Right???  Nope.... The answer is self-centeredness and fear.

We alcoholics are a sensitive lot.  We let this stuff grow and fester in our fellowship because it might be uncomfortable to call people on their BS and tell them the truth.  People might not like us.  Love and tolerance, absolutely!  I need to love people enough to tell them the truth.  And tolerance for me is talking to the guy on the phone, one more time that just can't get it.  Tolerance is loving someone out when you oppose their entire lifestyle. 

My God does not ask me to tolerate evil, He does not expect me to sit idly by, while someone goes on a rant about some BS in a meeting, while the newcomer is dying because he can't hear the truth.

All I hear in AA is how tough everybody used to be back in the day.  What a bunch of bad asses we all were.  Yet we let some one hijack the meeting because we want to sit back and timidly sip our coffee.

I know confrontation is scary.  I get it.  But we are walking hand in hand with the Creator.  Where is the passion, where is the willingness, the desperation of a drowning man?  So let me get this straight; when we are dying of this disease and trying to get sober we don't let anything stop us.  But when it is the other guys life that hangs in the balance, we just sit by and let him hear a bunch of error.

Stand up guys and gals.  Stand up, learn the book. Speak it, live it, get passionate about it.  If you hear error, correct it! It is our job, if we won't do it who will?  Who cares what people think.  What does God think?  That quote from the big book says "intensive work".  Sometimes things just get intense in this deal.

I don't know about ya'll but with the passion for this way of life comes the Happiness.  With the zeal of passing it on comes Joy, and with the boldness to proclaim the Truth comes Freedom.

God Showed Up....

Do you remember in the Forrest Gump movie when he says "and just then God showed up".  Then the storm hit.   That is how it is sometimes there is no doubt God is here right now in this meeting, or in this moment, no doubt...

But then again sometimes it is in more subtle ways, the stillness of a calm lake, or the gentle breeze of a summer morning, or the gift of a sunset.  Sometimes it is in the glory of a million stars, and other times in the joy on a grandchild's face..  I can see God in my wife's smile, or in the glimmer of hope in an alcoholic's eyes.

The whole point in all of this is;  God just doesn't show up.  He is with me all the time, yet my awareness of this great fact comes and goes.  The more I take action, the more I do what I am supposed to do even when I don't want to, the more I try to help another one of God's kids for free and for fun, then the more aware of God I become.

Sometimes I feel Him, sometimes I am aware of Him, and sometimes I am not.  Doing the maintenance that my spiritual program of action requires, no matter how I am feeling is the only faith I know today.  I have experienced the spiritual truth that if I do the next right thing then it will all turn out the way it is supposed to.

Those wonderful feelings I get, those glimpses of God I perceive are the reward for faith.  They just happen as long as I stay close to Him and perform His work well. 

Luckily my God rewards persistence and perseverance, not perfection.  If I could define God I wouldn't, I wouldn't change one thing about Him.  He may just be perfect...

Action

And action is the answer to all my problems today.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place or thing - some fact of my life -unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I take the actions required to help someone else and deflate my ego, one more time. Nothing absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.  Until I took the actions required to connect with God and let Him treat my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I continue to take the actions required to fit myself to be of maximum service, I cannot be happy.  I need to concentrate not so much on what other people are doing, as on what I am doing.  When I straighten out spiritually the mental and physical will follow. Then and only then will I be capable of living life on God's terms.

Grateful

In the past two days I have witnessed the entire range of recovery.  From seeing dear friends who are out there in the trenches carrying the message of hope, to working with a wet drunk, who is quite literally dying from this disease, to seeing some of the people I have had the privilege of working with carrying this message.  Watching with amazement as the Power of God uses them to reach others...

Thank God for this spiritual program of action.  Thank God for people willing to step up.  Thank God for this gift.  Thank God for Grace...

My life is full, my heart is full, my God absolutely ROCKS!!!

Whose Power?

The first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous give us clear cut directions on how to establish and maintain a connection to the Creator of the Universe.  That gives us POWER.  But it is not our Power.  It is God's Power, we only have a connection to it.  It is all we need.  If we had power then we wouldn't need God.

So the next time, we catch ourselves thinking that the fact we have a lot of sponsees or a really old sobriety date makes us special or immune to this disease, we need to remember that this Power belongs to God.  And if we want to experience it, then we better do what the book says to do to establish and maintain that connection, every day.

We think because we get to speak all over the place, we are immune.  Or we sponsor alot of people, or we have been sober for years, or we are too old to do service work.  If we are not working and reworking the steps of AA, talking to a sponsor, being accountable to other recovered people, we are in real danger.

My sponsor has taught me that I cannot live off of spiritual experiences of the past any better than I can live off of a cheese burger I ate last week.

If we are not connected then we usually go one of two directions, we get arrogant and full of sober pride.  That makes us go into the meetings and pontificate to the newcomer. 

Or, if things aren't going our way we get full of self pity, remorse and false humility.  Then we go into the meetings and announce how we are powerless over people, places and things.  How we are just barely suffering through, one miserable day at a time.

Either way we are thinking about ourselves.  Why don't we go in and we talk about the greatest book ever written.  How about we go share the good stuff God has given us. 

If I am sharing my experience and it doesn't line up with the big book of AA, maybe I should shut up.
If I can't share hope maybe I should just listen. 

If you want to share your opinions, if you must share about your feelings, then please contain yourself until after the meeting.  If you are full of remorse and self pity, then I almost guarantee you will be able to find an arrogant, opinionated jerk that will tell you what to do and then you will both be happy.  Hell it might be me....

But seriously, if you want a solution or want to share the solution then, welcome!!!  AA needs you!!!

Real Purpose

Mad at the someone in your life?  Go help a drunk...
People in your group not behaving up to your expectations?  Go help a drunk...
Worried about how people are "identifying" in your meeting? Go help a drunk...
Got a resentment you can't get over?  Go help a drunk...

We sit around in our little meetings, bitching about our little issues, concerned about our little plans and designs.  We have our little social hour, we share friggin one liners and pat each other on the ass,
and then step around the suffering alcoholic, wrinkle our nose and say "I think I smelled alcohol on him". 

Who do we think that we are.  Oh, I've been sober since May of 1492.  Who really gives a crap how long we have been sober?  We want to brag about our sobriety date and pontificate, while alcoholics are dying all around us.  We want to have great debates while people are dropping into oblivion every day.

If you don't want to give back, if you don't want to help others then I am seriously sorry for you. Go run off with your buddies and talk crap about the newcomers. While you are at try to figure out why most of the people of the opposite sex you are trying to "help" aren't staying sober.

We know you when we see you though.  Your mean, mad, and miserable and you stay that way, day after day, week after week and month after month.

My friends and I will be in the trenches, we will be giving back what was given to us, not because we are great.  Because we are grateful. Because when we look in a suffering alcoholics eyes we see God.

Because we realize that sobriety date we have has nothing to do with us and everything to do with God.  The longer we are sober the more we owe.  The more we owe the more we give.  The more we give the happier we are.

At the top of my sponsorship lineage is Dr. Bob.  He helped over 5000 drunks in 15 years.  Now I will never be able to reach that many probably.  But it won't be from lack of effort.  Cause the way we roll in our lineage, I do what my sponsor does, and he does what his sponsor did, all the way back.  And that's just what we do.  And thank God for that, cause that message of hope, those precise instructions, and even more important those actions were passed right down through those men to me. 

It is my job, no scratch that, it is my purpose to pass that example along, what I have been taught and what I have witnessed.

Thank you God!!!

Qualifications

What qualifies someone to take someone else through the steps?

Length of sobriety? 

Not according to the Big Book.  Ebby had just a few weeks when he took the message to Bill.

Bill started helping other alcoholics immediately upon his discharge from the hospital.

Dr. Bob had a few days when he carried the message with Bill to AA #3.

BB page 129 "Even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as likes in helping other alcoholics.  During those first days of convalescence, this will do more to insure his sobriety than anything else."

We, with a few years of sobriety get to thinking we are so good at sponsoring, that the new man should have alot of experience before he tries it.  This is not what was intended by our founders.  We start thinking we can help the newcomer sober up though our experience and our gained wisdom.  It is BS.  God gets the new man sober, my job is to show him how to get connected, period.

I'm not a rocket scientist and this is not my opinion, this is my experience.  My first sponsee, I got at 6 weeks into this deal.  He is sober today and so am I.  Is that because I was so knowledgeble about this program and so well versed.  Nope, it is because I showed him in my stumbling way how I got connected to God and it worked for him too. He is probably sober in spite of me.  That is because God did it.  Not Jerry!

There is a qualification for sponsorship.  Have you had a spiritual awakening as the result of doing the steps.  Do you have a sponsor? Does he have a sponsor?  If so then you have plenty of resources available.

We become so arrogant in our sobriety, thinking our little bits of time qualify us for something.  Taking someone through this work has nothing to do with the sponsor and everything to do with God.

Remember the new guy is beyond human aid. He needs a connection to God. Do you have one? Then for crying out loud show him how you got it, so he can show someone else. It is really that simple. The responsibility declaration says anytime, anywhere someone reaches out for help.  Not anytime anywhere if I have enough time under my belt.

Not my opinion this time.  Straight out of the book guys...

Who is really running what?

I can try with all my might to stop trying to run the show.  I fail miserably.  Why?   One little word EGO...  My natural insticts are to try to have things my own way.  That is what my human will always desires. 

I have to constantly remind myself I am no longer running the show.  I have to turn in all things to my Creator.  Turn is an action.  Pausing when agitated or doubtful is an action. Saying that prayer, Thy Will, not mine be done, is an action.  Not trying to make the other guy see it my way, is an action.  Shutting up is an action.

Love and tolerance is our code.  It is easy to say that when people are doing it my way.  It is not so easy to be tolerant when someone is being intolerant.  It is not so easy to love some one when they are hating.  Yet, it is my job.  It is the role I have been assigned.  And I better make sure I am connected to the One who has all Power when I enter those situations.

Does that mean I lay down, roll over, and become apathetic?  Absolutely not.  The role I have been assigned is to pause,  turn,  ask  for the right thought or action, and then  simply to do or say the next right thing in God's time not mine.  Not an easy role to play.

But, I have a Power greater than myself to rely on.  And I need to rely on It.  Because if I start trying to run the show, start trying to plan the outcomes, start demanding my own way, then I experience pain.  And a wise man has taught me that pain is an indicator, given to me by God, to let me know when something is wrong.

I said all of that to say this.  I think I always know what is right, I think I know what everyone else should do, I think I know what is best for everybody, that is the way I feel.  Thank God today, for the most part, my actions are based on principles and not feelings.    Cause the reality is this, I am just another Bozo on the bus, another one of God's kids doing the best I can with what I have to work with and so is EVERYONE else...

When does Love and Tolerance become apathy? (one of my sponsor's favorite questions)

When I stop speaking the Truth in meetings...

When I am more worried about hurting people's feelings, than carrying the Message of Hope...

When I dilute the clear Message of recovery, for fear of stepping on someone's toes.

When I hear error and I don't speak the truth to the newcomer because old so and so has much more sobriety than me...

When I don't step up to help around my group because someone else has always taken care of that in the past...

When I say "If it isn't broke don't fix it, or we have always done it that way"  I don't care how long we have done it, does it conform to the Principles and Traditions or not...

When "change scares me"

When I am tossing out wore out one liner's instead of hope.

When I would rather ignore something one of my sponsees is or isn't doing rather than to hold them accountable...

Apathy is a seemingly easier, softer way.  But I hate the consequences of it.  For me apathy always starts with "How is this going to affect me"  "What are people going to think about me"  right back to selfishness.

True love, is loving someone enough to tell them the truth.  Tolerance is allowing other people to be themselves.  Neither one of which has anything to do with letting sick people run an AA meeting or group.

Make no mistake about it, those meetings don't belong to anyone person or group of people, they belong to God, as He expresses Himself in our group conscience.  It is a place where we get to share the Hope and Power of God's Grace. It is the only thing we have of value to share.  I can't save a newcomer and the old "dry" dude with multiple years of sobriety can't kill him.  But the Message of Hope can save the newcomer if I am not too loving and tolerant to share it.

My first sponsor told me AA is about getting pissed off and getting over it.  He never patted me on the butt and told me just keep coming back, 90 meetings in 90 days.  He told me if you don't do this work and have a Spiritual experience this disease will kill you.  He told me I can show you how to do this.  Then he took my hand and walked me through this work. He told another old timer in that room that he was trying to kill me with that just don't drink today and come back tomorrow BS.  And thank God cause when I hit my bottom and went and got seperated from alcohol for the last time, guess which one I went running to when I got back.  Thank God he didn't have apathy.  He had experience with this spiritual program of action.

Where am I today?

My sponsor says it all the time... Where are you today? What actions are you taking today?  How is your spiritual connection today? 

30 days or 30 years it doesn't matter.  What am I doing today to help the man that is still sick?  When was I conscious of my last spiritual experience?  Am I still trying to live off of my past accomplishments. (resting on my laurels).  Am I still trying to live off of last weeks cheese burger?

Am I still spending more time in meeting s sharing what it was like, rather than what it is like now?  I don't know about everyone else but it sucked and now it rocks!!! Never mind the musty past.  There is no hope there. 

My hope, my joy,  my peace and my happiness are right now, they are internal.  They are a result of aligning my will with God's Will. I would rather share about that.  If I would rather spend time reliving the past then it must be a sign that I am not doing what it takes to get the most out of each and every moment today....

God help me to stay in the moment....

AA is not therapy.  My sponsor says it all the time.  AA is not therapy.  An AA meeting is is not a "dumping ground" for my problems.  An  AA meetings purpose is not to make me "feel better".  The big book says on page on page 15 "We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek".

Our message at the meetings must be one of hope.  We have great news.  We have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree,  and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action.  Can we please share that?

I know that we each think that our stories are so unique and interesting.  They are not.  What is interesting, what is attractive, is how did we go about finding this Power which solves all our problems.
Can we please share that?

We have the certainty that THE CREATOR has entered our hearts and lives in a way which indeed is miraculous!!  Can we please share that?

We have recovered and been given the Power to help others.  Can we share that?

The steps are a pathway to God.  Let's share that.

God's Power changes lives forever. For keeps.  Please share that?

Lets quit reading the 9th step promises and telling people if they come to enough meetings (therapy sessions) they will magically start appearing in their life.

Lets quit romanticizing our war stories and portraying our selves as such bad asses.

Lets quit dumping our "problems" on the table and start rising above them.  How about letting God demonstrate through us what He can do.

We all carry a message everyday, which one do I choose to carry today?

Feelings vs Actions

I think the hardest concept for me to grasp when I got here was that feelings and thoughts should follow actions, not the other way around.

Some one told me today "I want to feel good, so I can be apart of". This is not how it works for me. I have to be apart of first and then my feelings will change.

The same thing is true with courage. Courage is not about not feeling fear, courage is about taking the action despite the fear.

The big book says that when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out physically and mentally. The only way to overcome the spiritual malady is with the spiritual program of action outlined in the big book.

In other words I find God with my actions, and I maintain my connection to Him with more action.

Faith is not that warm feeling that everything is going to be alright. I have been taught that is the reward for faith. Faith is usually scary and uncomfortable. Faith is stepping out when I want to hide.

The the idea that my thoughts and feelings should control my actions is an old idea I have to let go of absolutely. Principles should control my actions today. And when they do my life Rocks... My God's will never seems to come in advance and it NEVER violates principles.

The thoughts that seem to dominate the mind of alcoholics are "I feel like or I don't feel like". Or "my opinion is this or the other". What I believe when I get here does not matter, because my beliefs will change as a result of taking action.

The hardest thing to learn is that while my feelings are real, (I really have them), they are very rarely reality. The big fears I have seldom come to fruition. And when they do it is not usually nearly as dramatic as my magnifying mind has made them out to be.

I have had a psychic change as a result of working these steps. So most of the beliefs and ideas I had when I got here have been replaced by a new set of beliefs and ideas. As I grow in understanding and effectiveness, I am sure they will continue to evolve. If not, then my spiritual life is not being perfected and enlarged, and I am in big trouble.

I said all of that to say this, what I thin,k feel, and believe is not important at all, but what I do can change lives, beginning with my own. That is the kind of Power my God has...

Nike has it right... JUST DO IT...

Hey I am back!!!

Hey, I haven't been on here in months. Life has been very busy and very exciting. We got moved and got into our new group. We are so blessed. This spiritual program of action works everyday. No matter what is going on in my external world, it can't phase my spiritual connection.

Action is where it is at for me. Feeling low, feeling sad, feeling apart from ??? Share some hope!! It works everytime. Reach out and grab on, we are rockin through life guys. Jump in the trench with us and have some fun... Why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered and been given the Power to help others.

Love you all....

Jerry