EGO such a small word for such a recurring issue. This remains the number one issue in my life today, as far as I know. Thank God for deflation, and thank God for this program. Remembering that I am not the center of the Universe is a little easier today, but not always. I think that is why in my life, the only way to win this struggle is by working with others. That seems to be the only time that I am able to be completely removed from self. I think that is why Bill Wilson thought it was so important. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank he would surely die. (AA Big Book Pg.14) Sounds pretty important!
I have often said my sponsor or his sponsor saved my life. That is simply not true. The message they carried saved my life. Thank God for people who will carry this message. Thank God for people who told me the truth and got me working with others within days of getting sober. This is what keeps me alive, happy, joyous and free.
We need to be careful what we tell newcomers for this is life and death. I don't ever want to give my opinion, which may or may not be right. I only want to carry the message as laid out in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Therein lies truth. And the Truth has set me free...
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Conformity
Conforming to anything in this day and age has more negative connotations than positive. However, that is not my experience. Conforming my will to God's is the way to serenity and peace in my life. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity. (AA Big Book) Pg. 68
How do I accomplish this? First of all I have to quit playing God, second I have to ask for His Guidance (pray), and lastly I have to listen (meditate). What will I do today that is more important than spending time with the Creator of the universe? Absolutely Nothing. When all else fails then I must take an action that gets me out of my self. Because God's Will is never that I be focused on me.
Do I fail miserably at this sometimes? Yes, but progress not perfection right?
How do I accomplish this? First of all I have to quit playing God, second I have to ask for His Guidance (pray), and lastly I have to listen (meditate). What will I do today that is more important than spending time with the Creator of the universe? Absolutely Nothing. When all else fails then I must take an action that gets me out of my self. Because God's Will is never that I be focused on me.
Do I fail miserably at this sometimes? Yes, but progress not perfection right?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The "Do" Things
When my mind is working overtime, when I am letting my own mental garbage distract me from my God given purpose, when I am trying to "run the show" and don't even realize it. The "Do" things bring me some relief, some comfort. They seem to remind me that I am anchored to the Rock. Where nothing can harm me. Especially my own twisted mind. There is a comfort there. For deep within me lies a still small Voice. God, may I never block myself from that Voice, may I always remember that left to my own devices there is nothing but calamity and chaos. May I always trust in the knowledge that You are my Anchor and that by taking the actions; prayer, meditation, talking to my sponsor, working with others, doing the "Do" things, I can always return to that calm place, from which your Power truly nurtures my heart and manifests itself in my life... For that I am very grateful...
Monday, October 26, 2009
Honesty
The Program of AA as outlined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book does not say that we have to be totally honest to stop drinking or using. It states on page 58 that we will develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. This is good news for me. I am no more capable of being honest than I am of staying sober. My Higher Power has to handle this for me also.
If we are waiting to be acceptable to people or to God before launching out on this course of action, we will probably die. Jump in with both feet. Get a sponsor. Work the steps, pray, meditate, work with others. You will be amazed what will be accomplished in your life through these simple actions. You don't have to believe anything you simply have to be willing and take the action. It works, it really does....
If we are waiting to be acceptable to people or to God before launching out on this course of action, we will probably die. Jump in with both feet. Get a sponsor. Work the steps, pray, meditate, work with others. You will be amazed what will be accomplished in your life through these simple actions. You don't have to believe anything you simply have to be willing and take the action. It works, it really does....
Friday, October 23, 2009
Trusting in God
What is being made aware to me is that trusting God can occur on so many levels. It is not just the big things in life that I can't figure out. More importantly, it is the small trivial things that I think I have completely in control. The actuality is, that I don't have control over anything, and I don't need to. The more I let go the better things are.
Meditation for example. Everyday I learn that meditation is not something I do. It is something that happens to me. All I have to do is take the time to be quiet and God handles it from there. What do I need out of it? Exactly what I get. What is that? I don't know. I just know it is good. My mind is renewed and my heart is at peace.
How do I go about trusting God? By giving up. By letting go. By admitting that I don't know anything. Head knowledge does me absolutely no good. In fact for me it is a dangerous thing. When I start thinking I know, I am in trouble. Much better to trust infinite God rather than my finite self. (AA Big Book Pg. 68)
Meditation for example. Everyday I learn that meditation is not something I do. It is something that happens to me. All I have to do is take the time to be quiet and God handles it from there. What do I need out of it? Exactly what I get. What is that? I don't know. I just know it is good. My mind is renewed and my heart is at peace.
How do I go about trusting God? By giving up. By letting go. By admitting that I don't know anything. Head knowledge does me absolutely no good. In fact for me it is a dangerous thing. When I start thinking I know, I am in trouble. Much better to trust infinite God rather than my finite self. (AA Big Book Pg. 68)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Learning
God is teaching me daily to give it up. Surrender. I can't do this. I don't have to do this! God's got this. All of it. The more I depend on Him and the less I depend on me, the better life is. Amazing fact just in: I don't have to know His Will to do it. I just have to do the next right thing that comes up. He will take care of the rest. I spend my time with Him in prayer and meditation and then go with my gut and it all seems to work out. I think thats because He controls my gut too when I allow it. Suit up, show up, and shut up. Its pretty simple really. Goes against everything I have been taught to think my whole life, but obviously that crap wasn't working cause here I am and there I was. Yeah God!!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A thought
Everything will work out exactly like it is supposed to today, because God is large and in charge.
Take action, work with someone else. Have Joy and Peace!
Take action, work with someone else. Have Joy and Peace!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Letting go absolutely
Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. (AA Big Book Pg. 58)
Letting go of the old idea that someday, somehow I could control my using and drinking took a really long time. That is why I didn't get sober till age 51. That was half of the first step for me. Letting go of the old idea that being physically clean from alcohol and drugs was not the answer to my problems was even harder, but it came more quickly out of necessity. This meant there was something wrong with me, not something produced by the chemicals I was using.
Guess what? There was and there is. My disease of addiction (and I use that term to include alcoholism as well) was not caused by using. The using was caused by the disease. And without the usage I had to find something to fix the internal discomfort or go permanently insane. That is why this disease left untreated is 100% fatal. That is also why, if treated according to the spiritual program of action contained within the Big Book of AA, we can recover from this disease 100% of the time.
Now I ain't no rocket scientist, but the odds convinced me. Let me see... Go on to the bitter end blotting out the consciousness of my intolerable situation (100% fatal) or accept spiritual help (100% effective). The point is ( and yes there is a point) I had to let go of my old ideas and be willing to accept some new ones to even get a chance to make that decision.
Today, the more I let go, the more I grow. Letting go to me is just another form of surrender. Here is a brief list of things I try to let go of, it certainly does not include everything:
Expectations, outcomes, people, your thoughts, your actions, your words, your life, my thoughts, my past, my future, my life.
None of these things are really any of my business. I wanted to make them my business. I wanted to run the show. I wanted to arrange everything in life, including you, to suit me. I didn't have the knowledge of even what I needed or the power to make it happen. I certainly didn't know what you needed, or have power over you, or even give a damn about you. But I wanted it all and when I couldn't get it I lashed out at you. I was like a tornado roaring my way through your life. (AA Big Book Pg. 82) Left untreated people afflicted with this disease do unspeakable things.
Have I let go absolutely, not all the time. But the more I do the more free I become. My sponsor, his sponsor, and I am pretty sure his sponsor's sponsor, all ask the same thing; How free do you want to be? I want to be as free as God wants me to be today. So I will keep on doing the deal, letting go, and leave the rest to Him who has all Power. May you find Him now.
Letting go of the old idea that someday, somehow I could control my using and drinking took a really long time. That is why I didn't get sober till age 51. That was half of the first step for me. Letting go of the old idea that being physically clean from alcohol and drugs was not the answer to my problems was even harder, but it came more quickly out of necessity. This meant there was something wrong with me, not something produced by the chemicals I was using.
Guess what? There was and there is. My disease of addiction (and I use that term to include alcoholism as well) was not caused by using. The using was caused by the disease. And without the usage I had to find something to fix the internal discomfort or go permanently insane. That is why this disease left untreated is 100% fatal. That is also why, if treated according to the spiritual program of action contained within the Big Book of AA, we can recover from this disease 100% of the time.
Now I ain't no rocket scientist, but the odds convinced me. Let me see... Go on to the bitter end blotting out the consciousness of my intolerable situation (100% fatal) or accept spiritual help (100% effective). The point is ( and yes there is a point) I had to let go of my old ideas and be willing to accept some new ones to even get a chance to make that decision.
Today, the more I let go, the more I grow. Letting go to me is just another form of surrender. Here is a brief list of things I try to let go of, it certainly does not include everything:
Expectations, outcomes, people, your thoughts, your actions, your words, your life, my thoughts, my past, my future, my life.
None of these things are really any of my business. I wanted to make them my business. I wanted to run the show. I wanted to arrange everything in life, including you, to suit me. I didn't have the knowledge of even what I needed or the power to make it happen. I certainly didn't know what you needed, or have power over you, or even give a damn about you. But I wanted it all and when I couldn't get it I lashed out at you. I was like a tornado roaring my way through your life. (AA Big Book Pg. 82) Left untreated people afflicted with this disease do unspeakable things.
Have I let go absolutely, not all the time. But the more I do the more free I become. My sponsor, his sponsor, and I am pretty sure his sponsor's sponsor, all ask the same thing; How free do you want to be? I want to be as free as God wants me to be today. So I will keep on doing the deal, letting go, and leave the rest to Him who has all Power. May you find Him now.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Surrender
For myself as an alcoholic and an addict surrender is not a one time proposition. It is an ongoing life time process. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. (AA Big Book Pg. 84).
To grow in understanding and effectiveness my mind and spirit must be renewed through prayer, meditation, service, brotherly love… This is impossible without surrender. Strength to deal with life and everything it entails must come from a Power greater than myself. To stay connected to that Power, I must stay in a state of submission to it.
First of all we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work (AA Big Book Pg. 62) It goes on to define our relationship to God. Never am I in charge or in control of anything. Never! What a relief! I wreck everything I touch.
Surrender means all areas of my life. I am in the process of selling my house. There are some things that are wrong with it. I have to disclose them all. I have to tell the truth. I have to surrender my fears about it and do it. I have to spend the money to fix what I know is wrong. I could probably slide by, but is that the right thing to do?. Will it cause worry and guilt on my part? Will I be willing to look these people in the eye later? If I surrender it all to God and take the actions that I am supposed to take it will all work out like it is supposed to. At least that is my experience. I don't know what will happen. I only know that if I surrender the outcome to God and take the right actions I will do more than stay sober, I will have peace about it.
Surrender to the Creator is not something I have to force myself to do today. It is the answer to all my problems. God is large and in charge.
Following is a passage from THE SECRET OF GUIDANCE By F. B. MEYER
OUR WILL MUST BE SURRENDERED.
"My judgment is just; because I seek not Mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent Me. " (John v: 30.) This was the secret which Jesus not only practised, but taught. In one form or another He was constantly insisting on a surrendered will, as the key to perfect knowledge. "If any man wiII do His will, he shall know."
There is all the difference between a will which is extinguished and one which is surrendered. God does not demand that our wills should be crushed out, like the sinews of a fakir's unused arms. He only asks that they should say "Yes" to Him. Pliant to Him as the willow twig to the practiced hand.
Many a time, as the steamer has neared the quay, have I watched the little lad take his place beneath the poop, with eye and ear fixed on the captain, and waiting to shout each word he utters to the grimy engineers below; and often have I longed that my will should repeat as accurately and as promptly the words and will of God, that all the lower nature might obey.
It is for the lack of this subordination that we so often miss the guidance we seek. There is a secret controversy between our will and God's. And we shall never be right till we have let Him take, and break, and make. Oh! do seek for that. If you cannot give, let Him take. If you are not willing, confess that you are willing to be made willing. Hand yourself over to Him to work in you, to will and to do of His own good pleasure. We must be as plastic clay, ready to take any shape that the great Potter may choose, so shall we be able to detect His guidance.
To grow in understanding and effectiveness my mind and spirit must be renewed through prayer, meditation, service, brotherly love… This is impossible without surrender. Strength to deal with life and everything it entails must come from a Power greater than myself. To stay connected to that Power, I must stay in a state of submission to it.
First of all we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work (AA Big Book Pg. 62) It goes on to define our relationship to God. Never am I in charge or in control of anything. Never! What a relief! I wreck everything I touch.
Surrender means all areas of my life. I am in the process of selling my house. There are some things that are wrong with it. I have to disclose them all. I have to tell the truth. I have to surrender my fears about it and do it. I have to spend the money to fix what I know is wrong. I could probably slide by, but is that the right thing to do?. Will it cause worry and guilt on my part? Will I be willing to look these people in the eye later? If I surrender it all to God and take the actions that I am supposed to take it will all work out like it is supposed to. At least that is my experience. I don't know what will happen. I only know that if I surrender the outcome to God and take the right actions I will do more than stay sober, I will have peace about it.
Surrender to the Creator is not something I have to force myself to do today. It is the answer to all my problems. God is large and in charge.
Following is a passage from THE SECRET OF GUIDANCE By F. B. MEYER
OUR WILL MUST BE SURRENDERED.
"My judgment is just; because I seek not Mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent Me. " (John v: 30.) This was the secret which Jesus not only practised, but taught. In one form or another He was constantly insisting on a surrendered will, as the key to perfect knowledge. "If any man wiII do His will, he shall know."
There is all the difference between a will which is extinguished and one which is surrendered. God does not demand that our wills should be crushed out, like the sinews of a fakir's unused arms. He only asks that they should say "Yes" to Him. Pliant to Him as the willow twig to the practiced hand.
Many a time, as the steamer has neared the quay, have I watched the little lad take his place beneath the poop, with eye and ear fixed on the captain, and waiting to shout each word he utters to the grimy engineers below; and often have I longed that my will should repeat as accurately and as promptly the words and will of God, that all the lower nature might obey.
It is for the lack of this subordination that we so often miss the guidance we seek. There is a secret controversy between our will and God's. And we shall never be right till we have let Him take, and break, and make. Oh! do seek for that. If you cannot give, let Him take. If you are not willing, confess that you are willing to be made willing. Hand yourself over to Him to work in you, to will and to do of His own good pleasure. We must be as plastic clay, ready to take any shape that the great Potter may choose, so shall we be able to detect His guidance.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Peace
How to find peace? The age old question...
By conforming my will to God's Will. That is my experience.
How to know God's Will? By knowing my real purpose. By testing the things I do, say, feel, or think against my real purpose. Will they move me toward or away from that God given purpose?
But, I can't even do that test without 2 things. Knowing that purpose and listening to God. To do those things I must have a connection to God. For me that had to come through a spiritual awakening. That had to come through the 12 steps.
God's purpose for all of us is the same. Not only do we share a common problem and a common solution, but we also share a common purpose.
To fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. (AA Big Book Pg. 77)
Listening to God has to occur continually throughout my day. Thy Will not mine be done. We may not be able to determine which course to take. We ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile. (AA Big Book Pg. 86)
This is what works for me, this is my experience, the days I do these things are good days.
I am truly grateful for my sponsor, the program, my family, and mostly my God... After all He did create the universe...
By conforming my will to God's Will. That is my experience.
How to know God's Will? By knowing my real purpose. By testing the things I do, say, feel, or think against my real purpose. Will they move me toward or away from that God given purpose?
But, I can't even do that test without 2 things. Knowing that purpose and listening to God. To do those things I must have a connection to God. For me that had to come through a spiritual awakening. That had to come through the 12 steps.
God's purpose for all of us is the same. Not only do we share a common problem and a common solution, but we also share a common purpose.
To fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. (AA Big Book Pg. 77)
Listening to God has to occur continually throughout my day. Thy Will not mine be done. We may not be able to determine which course to take. We ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile. (AA Big Book Pg. 86)
This is what works for me, this is my experience, the days I do these things are good days.
I am truly grateful for my sponsor, the program, my family, and mostly my God... After all He did create the universe...
Action
Brand new blog... Don't know what I am doing, but I will try...
Take action!!!! This is what I am constantly being told by my sponsor, by the program, and by God.
My brief experience in sobriety has shown me that taking right action leads to right attitude, not the other way around. It makes sense, because my actions are what speak to the people around me not my thoughts or intentions.
Go to the meeting, make the call, read the book, do the prayer, open the door, smile, listen...
When I do these things they always lead to peace, which gives me the desire to continue. It is a cycle, but not the vicious one I was on before...
Take action!!!! This is what I am constantly being told by my sponsor, by the program, and by God.
My brief experience in sobriety has shown me that taking right action leads to right attitude, not the other way around. It makes sense, because my actions are what speak to the people around me not my thoughts or intentions.
Go to the meeting, make the call, read the book, do the prayer, open the door, smile, listen...
When I do these things they always lead to peace, which gives me the desire to continue. It is a cycle, but not the vicious one I was on before...
I don't know why, I just know it works for me. It is almost like God intended it that way...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
