Letting go absolutely

Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. (AA Big Book Pg. 58)

Letting go of the old idea that someday, somehow I could control my using and drinking took a really long time. That is why I didn't get sober till age 51. That was half of the first step for me. Letting go of the old idea that being physically clean from alcohol and drugs was not the answer to my problems was even harder, but it came more quickly out of necessity. This meant there was something wrong with me, not something produced by the chemicals I was using.

Guess what? There was and there is. My disease of addiction (and I use that term to include alcoholism as well) was not caused by using. The using was caused by the disease. And without the usage I had to find something to fix the internal discomfort or go permanently insane. That is why this disease left untreated is 100% fatal. That is also why, if treated according to the spiritual program of action contained within the Big Book of AA, we can recover from this disease 100% of the time.

Now I ain't no rocket scientist, but the odds convinced me. Let me see... Go on to the bitter end blotting out the consciousness of my intolerable situation (100% fatal) or accept spiritual help (100% effective). The point is ( and yes there is a point) I had to let go of my old ideas and be willing to accept some new ones to even get a chance to make that decision.

Today, the more I let go, the more I grow. Letting go to me is just another form of surrender. Here is a brief list of things I try to let go of, it certainly does not include everything:

Expectations, outcomes, people, your thoughts, your actions, your words, your life, my thoughts, my past, my future, my life.

None of these things are really any of my business. I wanted to make them my business. I wanted to run the show. I wanted to arrange everything in life, including you, to suit me. I didn't have the knowledge of even what I needed or the power to make it happen. I certainly didn't know what you needed, or have power over you, or even give a damn about you. But I wanted it all and when I couldn't get it I lashed out at you. I was like a tornado roaring my way through your life. (AA Big Book Pg. 82) Left untreated people afflicted with this disease do unspeakable things.


Have I let go absolutely, not all the time. But the more I do the more free I become. My sponsor, his sponsor, and I am pretty sure his sponsor's sponsor, all ask the same thing; How free do you want to be? I want to be as free as God wants me to be today. So I will keep on doing the deal, letting go, and leave the rest to Him who has all Power. May you find Him now.